The 7 Cs of Writing (2)

In onze schrijfvaardigheidstrainingen voor de advocatuur werken wij met de Branch Out 7 Cs of Writing (voor een verdere uitleg: lees hier). Om duidelijk te maken wat dit nu precies betekent, hebben we een tekst samengesteld die bestaat uit zinnen uit ‘Voorbereidende Taken’ die wij de laatste tijd binnen hebben gekregen. Lees éérst Tekst 1, probeer dan de fouten eruit te halen (m.b.v. de afkortingen die verwijzen naar die 7 Cs), en lees dan pas Tekst 2 (de verbeterde versie).

Natuurlijk kwamen niet alle fouten in één en dezelfde brief voor, maar reken maar dat wij al deze fouten bijna altijd tegenkomen in onze trainingen! Laat eventuele vragen achter in de Comments-sectie…

COUR        Courtesy
COR           Correctness
COR-WO – Word order
COR-WW – Wrong word
COH           Cohesion
CONC        Conciseness
CONS        Consistency
CLAR         Clarity

Tekst 1:
Dear mrs. Courtney, (COUR)

First of all, I apologise because I haven’t replied earlier. With reference to your e-mail of the 11th of november I hereby inform you as follows. (COUR)

You asked me to describe myself, my job and responsibilities, my education and my experiences with English. I am Inge Lenders and I am 27. I am living for 3 years in Amsterdam (COR: WO). I am working as a trainee lawyer at the practice group Real Estate of ELaw in Amsterdam. I work here for two years. I am specializing (CON) in Civil Construction Law (COR). Our department is little (COR) and I work with six other lawyers. Two of them also are trainee lawyers (COR: WO), three are senior lawyers and one is partner (COR).

Principally we deal with bigger legal proceedings, but we do also some smaller legal proceedings. (COR: WO) Further, we advice about all types of construction problems (COR: WW). For example, we give advice about (COR: WW) building contracts, interpretation of building contracts, additional work and damages caused by construction work. (CONC)

My main responsibilities are drafting memorandums and contracts, preparing pleadings and giving advice. In addition to give advice, I maintain contact with our clients (COR). Sometimes I have to argue a case on court (COR: WO & WW).

Last month, I have argued a case on court about a combined sales and building contract (CORR: WW). I represented the vendor (COH). The vendor made a mistake in the contract. Therefore (CONC) the size or area of the property in the contract appeared to be incorrect, but the actual size of the property turned out to be smaller. Relevant is that in Dutch law the size of area of the property is just an indication. (COR: WO & WW)

Previously I have studied dutch law in Leiden (CLAR & COR:WO). I have graduated in Criminal Law and Civil Law (COR). During my studies I didn’t followed any english courses, neither take any english tests or exams (COR: WW & CLAR). In high school I followed english, german and french lessons (COR: WO & CLAR). However, I were very bad in languages (COR: WW). If I would have paid more attention, I would have been better now… (COR)

I have also studied for 6 months in Belgium (COR & COR: WO) . I had a lot of international friends from Germany, Spain and America. My roommate was of American origin (CONS & COH) and it was fun to practice my English with her (COR: WW). But our talks actually were a little bit superficial (COH & CORR WO).

I come to the conclusion that I have an insufficiently command of English (CONC & COR). My weaknesses in drafting documents in English are probably grammar, verb conjugations and vocabulary.

Would you be so kind to send me some feedback on this letter (CLAR & COR: WO)?. In case you have questions, contact me (COUR & COR: WW).

I apologize (CON) again for my late reply and I look forward to meet you at the workshop. (COR)

Yours faithfully, (COUR)
Inge Lenders

Tekst 2:
Dear Ms Courtney

First of all, I apologise I did not reply earlier (of: I apologise for not replying earlier). With reference to your e-mail of 11 November I would like to inform you as follows.

You asked me to describe myself, my job and responsibilities, my education and my experiences with English. I am Inge Lenders and I am 27 years old. I have been living in Amterdam for 3 years. I work as a trainee lawyer in the Real Estate practice group of ELaw in Amsterdam. I have been working here for two years. I specialise (or: I am specialised) in Civil Construction Law Our department is quite small and I work with six other lawyers. Two of them are also trainee lawyers, three are senior lawyers and one is a partner.

We principally work on bigger legal proceedings, but we also do some smaller legal proceedings. Furthermore, we advise on all types of construction problems For example, we advise on building contracts, interpret building contracts, do additional work and handle damages caused by construction work.

My main responsibilities are drafting memorandums and contracts, preparing pleadings and giving advice. In addition to giving advice, I maintain contact with our clients. I sometimes have to argue a case in court.

Last month, I had to argue a case in court about a combined sales and building contract and I represented the vendor. The vendor made a mistake in the contract. Consequently, the size or area of the property in the contract appeared to be incorrect. The actual size of the property turned out to be smaller. What is relevant here is that in Dutch law the size of the property is always just an indication.

Previously, I studied Dutch law in Leiden and I graduated in Criminal Law and Civil Law. During my studies I didn’t follow any English courses, nor did I do any English tests or exams. In high school I followed English, German and French lessons However, I was very bad at languages. If I had paid more attention, I would have been better now…

I also studied in Belgium for 6 months. I had a lot of international friends from Germany, Spain and America and my roommate was also American. It was fun to practise my English with her, but our talks were actually a little bit superficial.

In conclusion, I have an insufficient command of English. My weaknesses in drafting documents in English are probably grammar, verb conjugations and vocabulary.

Would you be so kind as to send me some feedback on this letter?. If you have questions, please feel free to contact me.

I apologise again for my late reply and I look forward to meeting you at the workshop.

Yours sincerely
Inge Lenders

 

1 thought on “The 7 Cs of Writing (2)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *